Out of Character
Why the last thing you'd ever do could be the best thing you'll ever do
We’re all trying to be better versions of ourselves—I think.
Trying is the key word. Because sometimes our attempts are unsuccessful. Too many unsuccessful attempts, and it can be exhausting even to try again. We want to be better, but it’s hard to be someone you’re not.
And so we settle in. This is maturity; I recognize the value of embracing who we are. I also recognize that if I’m not growing (in some way or another), neither will my life be. And so, we need balance. Too much settling in becomes plain-old settling.
But for the past two years, I’ve been reflecting on a bit of a theory. I call it a “cheat code.”
And it’s all about acting out of character.
Side Quest Unlocked
As I type, I’m doing something very out of character: flying on a plane to Oxford, England. Let me explain why that’s so odd.
It’s not flying—that’s become regular since moving to Florida for school.
It’s not travel, and it’s not England—I love travel, and I love Europe.
What’s odd about the situation is the way it bruises my ego. The trip is a school trip, a month-long summer program studying at the University of Oxford.
“The University of Oxford, like the oldest university in the English-speaking world?” Yeah, and that part’s impressive, I’ll admit.
What’s not impressive is rooming with a cohort of undergrad students up to ten years younger than me. I feel embarrassed every time I explain it (though I’ve found the word “cohort” makes it sound more mature). As if I’ve loved being the old guy in college for the past two years, when I have my own apartment and make my own meals. Now, I’m finishing in one last hoorah of geriatry. Trust me guys, I have a mortgage. I pay taxes. This isn’t arrested development.
Ultimately, I decided the experience of studying at Oxford makes the displeasure worth it. But I almost chose my ego. Like I said, I’m acting out of character.
Character Building
Sometimes, I think life is a lot like the Sims (I wrote about that here, too).
Designing your character in the Sims, you spend a limited quantity of resources on the traits you wish them to have.
You can make them charismatic, fit, a good cook.
You can make a character well-rounded, moderate in every skill. Or you can assign them extreme strengths—and by extension, extreme weaknesses.
Video games aren’t too wrong when it comes to character design. No one has it all. Strength in one area implies lack of strength in another.
Me? I have a strength of drive but a weakness of vanity.
I’ll put in the effort to succeed, but I tend to only do things when I know I’ll succeed. I’ll leave it all out there, but I won’t put it all out there. I won’t be seen as falling behind.
Like I said, ego.
Look, I’m a flawed character. And I think I can grow. But to what degree can I really expect to change? To be the perfect Sim—healthy, charismatic, and a good cook?
Young, wise.
Confident, humble.
Can anyone max out all stats?
Some say so. It’s the grindset proliferated across Instagram. You can be anything if you just keep pushing. I agree partially. Effort is great. But certain activities don’t improve by pushing harder. You can’t vote harder. You can’t commute harder; at a certain point, the drive won’t get any shorter. You’re just arriving more angry. Constant pushing isn’t how you get better; it’s how you get a hernia. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, there must be a better path.
And that’s where the cheat code comes in.
How it Works
My “out of character” method comes in two simple steps:
Be the best you can be – Simple. But many of us stop here.
Act out of character – Find the last thing you’d ever do, and do it.
Try something you’d never try. Make a decision you’d never make. Go somewhere you don’t think you belong.
Really, it’s the perfect method to max out your stats. You can’t create new resource markers. What you can do, though, accepting the markers your character has, is to temporarily play out of character.
It’s a psychological workaround. The question, “What’s the last thing I’d do?” is essentially “What’s completely unrepresented in my qualities?” The method isn’t about becoming someone you’re not; it affirms you who are, while giving you access to missing strengths.
We often call them “blindspots” because we don’t intuitively see them. But what else uncovers a blindspot like the question, “what’s completely out of the question?”
Doing the last thing you’d ever do is a powerful move. Don’t forget, however, the first step. Be the best you know to be. Put together, the best you can be and the last thing you’d do are a finishing combo.
Let me give you an example: I’m an excellent stayer. I stay loyal to places, jobs, schools, friends.
There are lots of benefits to staying. You find depth—experience surprising, unexpected benefits—when you stick somewhere for the long haul.
Nothing about me needs to fundamentally change; I don’t need to lose the ability to stay. A couple years ago, though, I jumped into a new field in a new state, leaving my history, job, and social world behind. I made an out-of-character move.
I know others who could learn the opposite lesson. They’ve never stayed. They’re nimble, jumping at every opportunity and taking constant steps forward.
For them, let’s follow the formula:
Am I being my best? - If you’re the fast mover, make sure it’s for the right reasons. Do you truly move for opportunity, or are you just too hard to please? Sort these questions out (but by all means, keep being you).
What would be totally out of character? - Maybe the best move you could make is to try staying. For a long time. You’ll be repaid in ways you haven’t yet discovered.
The best part? It’s not forever. So much growing and changing is difficult because it never ends. Life’s a challenge enough just trying to be “good.” How long can I keep “better” up?
My Turn
With this essay, I decided to do the out of character thing. And not the one about going to Oxford. My out of character move was to write this story without knowing the conclusion.
This essay is a concept I’ve been kicking around for a while. I first scribbled it in my notes in 2021, having just moved to Florida. Why the two-year delay? Well, I was waiting for the success story. I went back to school, changed degrees, and left a long-time job. I was waiting to write this post until I could end with, “and here’s my bestselling book!”
I was letting ego win.
Like my programme at Oxford, sending this post is rough on my vanity. You have no incentive to hear my advice. I’m no successful author, just some guy. My life’s story is largely unwritten.
But here’s what I’ve learned: decisions made out of character are decisions made out of character.
Cliche? Perhaps. Ill-defined? Possibly.
Cheating? Definitely.
First night walking tour. At the time of posting, I’ve been here four days, attending orientations and fighting jet lag. Will share updates as we go.
-Tim
Tim, I will be using this two-pronged approach. My favorite part of this is, if we only seek to be our best, we can become easily engrained in a narrow sense of the best version of ourselves. We get tunnel vision while perfecting a few things (good or bad). Our growth ironically becomes increasingly miniscule. Step two throws you back into open water! There's some good educational psychology to this.
Okay I definitely read, "My life’s story is largely unwritten," and was already planning to comment how "the rest is still unwritten." THEN I scrolled down and saw the picture, and lost it. lol